Dude, you're just a douche...

Introduction by Lucas León
The summer wears on, with nothing really exciting going on in the world of sports, except for the newly revived Arena Football League Playoffs. Oh, you hadn't heard about that? I just found out too. Anywho, what better way to keep the blogs rocking than with another uselessly awesome list?

Today's Subject: Douche Bags of the NBA

Which NBA players do we look back on and say "He was a real D-Bag Johnson?" Fear not, because a large can of the douchiest douches shall now be opened!!

Anderson Varejao - Bjones

 I despise Varejao. You already know I have  a problem with his "role" as an "energy player." I mean seriously, if he comes off the bench, runs around in circles, tips a rebound and falls over whenever anyone comes into contact with him, does that make him an energy player?  I don't want to hear Reggie Miller say, "Oh and just look at the energy Andy Varejao brings off the bench!" after Varejao trips over his own shoe lace and somehow forces a turnover. If there is any rule change I would like to see, it would be the flopping rule. Just watch Varejao. I'm pretty sure he attempts to draw a charge about 8.72 times per 35 minutes. That has to be a real stat. I mean, he's a big guy and if Earl Watson drives into him, I expect him to jump up, block the shot and Spartan Kick the little dude in the chest. Alas, he's not Dikembe Mutombo. Either way, if Varejao wanted to spend that much time on his back, he could just play quarterback for the Seahawks! OWNED!!!!!!!!! 2 points...






Allen Iverson - Bjones
I love AI, and I miss watching him play. It will be a while before we see a player like him again. He was never known as a shooter, he had a sick handle and got to the foul line. AI had swag, he was good at scoring and really did have a "wow factor" about him. On the other hand, he's kind of a douche. We all know he wasn't too pleased with having to go to practice on a daily basis, but that tirade was just a small indicator of a bigger problem. AI, as a teammate and player was very selfish. I don't mean he didn't pass the ball enough or get his teammates involved, off the court, he has never come off as a humble guy that just wants to help his team win a championship. Ya, you're a great player and you carry your squad, go to practice, get better, build some chemistry. What if he had spent that time developing his three-point shot? Later into his career, AI has completely ruined everything. He will not come off the bench. That's ridiculous. I get that he can still play, he still has the desire, but if you have the chance to contribute to a championship team, why not? Especially late in your career. AI, you're not MVP status anymore. Until you realize this, the only team you'll be awarded to is our All-Douche Bag team. (2-2 on closing paragraphs with zingers).



Latrell Sprewell - Bjones
Though our aforementioned players are annoying (Varejao) or disappointing (Iverson) they really don't compare to Latrell Sprewell's crazy ass. Spree was a talented player, one of my favorites actually, but that did not stop him from being one of the biggest douches in NBA history. Not many people remember that he was a four-time All-Star in Golden State. Probably because of his incident with then head coach PJ Carlesimo. The incident occurred in practice where PJ asked Spree to make crisper passes, he specifically asked that he "put a lil mustard" on them. Well, we all know Spree doesn't like mustard so he told Carlesimo he wasn't trying to hear it. Big PJ came over to see what was up and of course Spree had to choke him and threaten his life. From what I've read and through years of research, this is a simulation of how I think it went down:

PJ: Hey Latrell! You're doin good out there buddy, but let's get a lil more mustard on those passes.
Spree: Man f*ck you...I ain't tryna hear all that.
PJ: It was just a suggestion (as he walks over) is everything cool Spree-Spree?
Spree: Back up or I'm finna choke ya.
PJ: What was that? (Gets choked)
Teammates pull Spree off and he walks to the locker room. As the story goes, Sprewell did threaten PJ's life and also came out of the locker room to mean mug Carlesimo before finally leaving.

So that was just bad judgment right. Naw, Spree tends to threaten people from time to time I guess. As a matter of fact, in 1995 he got in a little scuffle with a teammate. No big, a little competitive fight. Wrong, Spree left the building and came back with a two-by-four AKA large piece of lumber, and threatened to bring a gun to practice. Classic. Well it looked like Spree had moved on, yet even in his later, wiser years he still found a way to be an ignorant douche. In 2004, the T'Wolves offered him a 3 year, $21 million contract. Latrell's response? "I have a family to feed." Wow. I quit. The only "spree" he'll be going on his consecutive years on the All-Douche bag team! (3-3 baby).







Scot Pollard - Lucas
Now, people may question why he is a douche bag. In my personal opinion, he's not THAT bad, but he is one of those players that you look at and wonder how the hell they ended up in the NBA. First off, he wasn't known for All-Star like skills...EVER. Wikipedia says Pollard was known for his defensive play and unique hairstyles. Well, if you're known for the same thing as Dennis Rodman, cool. However, Rodman won 5 rings as a key player. Pollard won a ring sitting on his ass in 2008 with the Celts. Hey, that's just like Scals! But let's face it, Scals is a baller. The number of hairstyles this guy went through is unbelievable. If your hair is getting more attention than your play, you should be considered a douche bag. Not enough for you to be convinced? Well, get this: while he was with the Cavs, Pollard was sitting on the bench (of course) when a camera slid up to him. He then looked down at the camera and, on live TV, said "Hey, kids. Do drugs." WOW. Although he was kidding, in most circumstances, the phrase "Hey, kids. Do drugs," will be generally frowned upon by everyone. Except the kids who were already on drugs. Thanks, Scot Pollard. Oh, by the way, he is an alum of Kamiakin High School, here in the Tri-Cities.



Gilbert Arenas - Lucas
This guy went from "Agent Zero" to "Zero" over the span of a few years. Let's review the slow drop off the face of the Earth by Arenas: In an All-Star season in 2006, he led the Wizards to the playoffs. The next season, Arenas was putting up big numbers and the Wizards looked strong. However he tore his ACL and missed the rest of the season and the playoffs. The next season, he only played in 8 games due to various injuries. Once again, the next season, he did not play much due injuries. Finally, in this past season, he looked like the Agent 0 of old. Great, he's back! However this is where the douchiness kicks in.

-Arenas was found to have been storing firearms in his locker, which violated NBA rules. Not only this, but it violated this city of WA DC's city ordinances.
-Arenas was charged for carrying the pistol without a license to do so, to which he pleaded guilty. All's good now, right? NOPE.
-Arenas was suspended while this investigation was going on. Right before the suspension, after all the gun stuff had been brought to the public, Arenas, in a pregame intro, pretended to shoot his teammates with his fingers. NICE.
Arenas apologized for the stunt and was convicted and sentenced to 2 years probation. What a douche bag.