Things I enjoy

Well, Shaq was just signed to the Celtics, but other than that, there isn't much going on in the NBA right now. So I'd like to take some time to write about things I like and dislike about the NBA. Completely random, but some of these quirky things could be similar to stuff you guys like too.

I like...
NBA beards. I have no idea why I think this is funny, but just seeing somebody with a full Chuck Norris status beard is hilarious to me. After my friend Lucas read my last powt about the Boston/Heat game, he commented, "People expect too much from certain NBA teams. The Heat are 0-1? Shoulda signed Vlade Divac..." Besides this being very true and funny, he went on to remind me that "[Divac] makes the All-NBA Beard team for sure." Ya, couldn't agree more. I asked him to throw some other names out there to fill out the beard team and he gave me: Divac, Rasheed Wallace, Bill Walton, Drew Gooden and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Apparently the road to All-Beard First team went through the Cavaliers at one time.
I think if I were to get an All-Beard team going, I would roll with this squad:



PG: Baron Davis
SG: James Harden
SF: LeBron James (He's got something going)
PF: Reggie Evans
C: Sheeeeeeeed
Head Coach: Greg Popovich

Hey, that squad would get you some wins too.

I dislike...
David Stern. You know, years ago, my friend Robert and I noticed a startling trend. During every NBA Draft, when Stern goes up to announce the pick, people voraciously "boo" and heckle him. I'm pretty sure there is just a section of drunk guys from New York who hate David Stern and probably don't even know who he is. I always wondered what the reasoning was behind the "F*CK YOU STERN!!!"s and all the terrible comments, probably about his mother, being hurled at him.

I Hate You Guys So Much...

Now, as I've grown and watched this caniving, old, sadistic piece of shit operate the one thing I love so much, I completely understand.

David Stern is terrible. He allows LeBron James to hold his own show which was more like the NBA Draft than anything else. Seriously, the NBA reserves time slots to announce things like the Draft Lottery and the NBA Draft. Yet, Stern decides to let one player one-up the entire league in one swoop. Good for LeBron! Because all the commish showed us was that he is lost. He won't step in the way of what he sees as the future of the league. He'd rather see the NBA brand take a hit at the hands of one of its own players than stand up and say, "sorry, you are not above the league."

What else does David Stern do? Well how about his fines? Players and coaches complain about referees all the time, and they have a right to. Sometimes refs just plain suck. What happens when a coach says something? The Stern Hammer (that's right) comes down and demands money for a simple complaint. Well Stern, maybe if your refs didn't suck, weren't involved in gambling and crime rings and completely disoriented you wouldn't have so many complaints!

What about the dress code? Remember AI sitting on the Sixers bench in his SUPER TALL TEE with chains, a du-rag, fitted hat and baggie ass jeans? Ya, that was always funny. The fact that he probably paid a lot of money to look like that is....ironic? Oh well, anyways, Stern felt that the NBA should avoid black people at all costs and banned this type of "urban," "thug," "street" apparel from the sidelines. I really never understood this. What does it do? Makes Allen Iverson look like a thug in a suit? I mean, on the court he still had the tats, the rows, the 36 different headbands, arm sleeves, shooting sleeves, finger sleeves, colon sleeves and whatever else he wore. Why does putting him in a suit make anything different? Good job Stern. You just put the entire hip-hop/rap community, culture and those who love it in a corner and labeled them unproffesional thugs unfit for the public eye of America. DICK.
These are all just small things that make me hate Stern enough to let everyone know that they should also hate him.

BUT THE ONE THING THAT SETS HIM APART....

David Stern was KEY (that right there is poisonous irony) in allowing the Seattle Supersonics to be STOLEN, absolutely jacked from the city of Seattle, the State of Washington and the greater Northwest. Don't get me wrong, the OKC Thunder (or as Bill Simmons labeled them, the "Zombie Sonics") are a good, young, exciting team with players that are just good for the league. BUT WTF?! When Stern put the pressure on the people of Seattle to make a change for the NBA, he single-handedly turned the commissioner's office into a hub of political, elitist crime. The NBA was not asked to help with renovation or building a new arena, Clay Bennett's bitch ass didn't attempt to fork anything over and all the while David Stern stood right next to both those corrupt bodies and watched as the people who breathe life into his League, the same fans who create the demand which creates his job, suffered because they were not willing to renovate Key Arena for the second time, would not accept excess taxes after erecting two new stadiums and would not stand for Bennett to come in and take what did not belong to him.

Clay Bennett and David Stern. Never come back to Seattle. Don't let anyone know you were thinking about Seattle. If you have to fly somewhere that includes Seattle, go around. The only regret us fans in the Northwest have is that neither of you have any balls, as we are very inclined to kick you squarely in the "ball area" if you were ever to be seen around these parts. If and when the Sonics come back, David Stern should NEVER, EVER be allowed in the city. If he has to sign papers, fax them to his office. If he wants to come to a game, charge him for the price of the arena, because he owes us, big.

One of the funnies things I've ever heard was when my boi Jamie (the most devoted Sonics and NBA fan I know) was talking about OKC. We must have been talking about how the entire franchise's demise was due to Jim McIlvaine because he came up with one of the most horrific, yet kind of hilarious characters in the history of basketball: "The McIlvaine Mobster."

The story was, when OKC reached it's first home playoff game, a still grieving Seattle fan would walk into the Thunder arena wearing a Jim McIlvaine jersey and pretty much go bat shit crazy on everyone (hence the mobster part). Well, if I were to re-write the script as a movie, I'd have the McIlvaine mobster character come in and yell "KEY ARENA SET! BUCK!" and promptly rush the owner's box where he would choke out the team's owner "Steel Beenie." Yes, the mobster's move would be thwarted by security and he would likely go to jail for a very long time, but the message would be clear: Steel Beenie was not safe. From there, Steel would go on to give the team back to "Seatzzle" because he lacked any testicular fortitude and was scared for his life. OKC would promptly throw him in prison and trade him to Cuba for a first round draft pick.

Well, that'll do it for this one. Watch for me adding some more things I like and dislike soon.