Coolest Entry EVER

There are so many things that we, as normal, "I have a boring job, a car, maybe a couple cats, an apartment etc." folks will never be able to do. So what?! Doesn't mean we can't make things up! That is exactly what I am about to do. I am going to give you my "5 Athletes to Bring to a Party" team. Each guy brings something special to the team, so I'll go into detail to let you know why these 5 guys would instantly make you awesome. Get em'

MY SQUAD:
Team Captain: Tom Brady (QB, New England Patriots)
Drinking Game Specialist: Kobe Bryant (SG, Los Angeles Lakers)
Enforcer: Ron Artest (Crazy Ass, Los Angeles Lakers)
Camera Man: Steve Nash (PG, Phoenix Suns)
Funny foreign guy that's not Canadian: Rudy Fernandez (Guard, Spanish National Team)

TOM BRADY aka TB12 - TEAM CAPTAIN

Yeah, I know this is a basketball blog, but since this really has nothing to do with basketball anyways, who cares? Tom Brady is the ultimate guy. Most men hate him and I can totally see why. He plays quarterback for the Patriots, is rarely ever touched and seems to care a lot about the way he looks. The deduction most people get from this? TB12 = Gay. That's fine. I'm still putting him in charge of my squad. I think most guys are jealous because, let's face it, there's not a high percentage of males that don't want to be Brady. First off, he's so bad ass that he has two first names, when you're as good as TB12, a last name isn't necessary. Secondly, he is "the cool main character" in every high school teen drama. "Oh hi, I'm Tom Brady. I'm a good natured, handsome man that just happens to be the starting quarterback on a great team. People seem to dislike me, but once they get to know me it's all good!"That's got to be every guys secret life fantasy. 1) Good looking 2) Amazing quarterback. Have  you ever seen him at a press conference? A journalist's dream! Anything that he's done wrong can be turned into the greatest statement ever! He has this stupid amount of charm that would get him out of any bad situation. For instance, in football:

Reporter: Hey Tom, you threw that interception in the second quarter, but it definitely looked like the defender had grabbed your face mask.

TB12: Ya, you know that was all my fault. The guy came through the line and just got a good grip on my face mask and that's just a throw I need to make really. We come out and practice hard every day and I know if I was a little more focused I could've got that one in there.

Reporter: Really Tom? I mean, it was a clear penalty. It looks like the ref missed the call.

TB12: Ya, the refs were doing a heckuva job out there today and I can't thank them enough for going out and giving it their all every Sunday. The only thing that "missed" was that pass I threw apparently. (Flashes Golden Smile)

Entire Press Congregation:  HAHAHAHAHAHA! TOM BRADY IS SO COOL!

Imagine him in front of a judge for a crime.

Judge: Mr. Brady, you are being charged with running over an 85 year old woman's cat on purpose. How do you plead?

TB12: You know I can't say enough about my neighbor. She's out there every morning at 6 AM getting her daily newspaper with her cat and she gives it her all, day in and day out. And that cat is just great, I mean he's always following her around scratchin' on stuff and sleeping, I just live in a great neighborhood with great people.

Judge: What?

TB12:  Hey I just want to thank my lawyers over here because I wouldn't be the defendant I was today without a great team of lawyers protecting me out here. They just do a great job and I'm going to walk out of here a free man even though I ran that cat over faster than Randy Moss on a go route over the middle. (Flashes Golden Smile)

Judge and Jury: HAHAHAHAHA! TOTALLY NOT GUILTY BRO!

You see? Tom Brady is just awesome. Some of the particular skills he brings to the table:
Great Communications: As a QB, he's known to direct an offense and a group of guys going out to a party is always on the offensive. They need a strong leader with communication skills to lead them to victory, whether it be with women or a bar fight.
Natural Charm: He can say the right things at the right time. This can be used to break up a fight or get the cops to leave.
Good looks: Combined with the charm, he's going to do work.

TB12 Team Captain.

KOBE BRYANT aka "The Black Mamba" - DRINKING GAME SPECIALIST

If we know anything about Kobe, it's that he hates to lose. That is why I would partner up with him for every drinking game. Imagine you're playing beer pong. You better not miss any cups or Kobe is going to be pissed of first of all. Second of all, let's say you're locked in a tight game with two fat frat boys, 1 cup to 1. You miss your shot, people are gathering and watching, you're embarrassed, Kobe is pissed off and staring at you like you just clubbed a baby seal that he wanted to club first, the frat boys are high fiving and adjusting their hats to be even more backwards. Then Kobe Bryant, the best closer in the NBA, the Black Mamba, a stone cold, ice in his f'ing veins assassin, steps up and drills the shot. The crowd goes wild, the frat boys go from cool to "average fat kids that really shouldn't be cool" and Kobe calmly starts setting the cups up again like nothing happened then says, "Who got next?" So many drinking games rely on a guy finishing the game. Take the same scenario for flip cup, Kobe would flip that shit so fast you'd think he was cookin some Aunt Jemima pancakes! The best thing about "The Mamba" is that as the night goes on, most people get more drunk. Kobe only gets more pissed and competitive. Also, Kobe is going to be the dick who doesn't let everyone drink all your beer. That's Kobe's beer, don't touch it.

The skills Kobe brings to the group:
1) As stated above, the competitive nature will get you noticed at  most parties. Kobe will show his superiority by beating every other male at the party...at everything. Some guy: "Bro I just took 6 shots!" Kobe's reaction? Take sixteen shots and tell that punk ass to step his game up. There is a negative to playing with Kobe though. Once you appear to dominate the competition, a couple girls are bound to step up to play for fun. KB24, instead of just letting the game go and getting to know them, will absolutely obliterate these girls and then tell them to "get off the table." Damn it Kobe....

2) Kobe demands the best out of people. Are you really going to wear that shirt out tonight? Not on the Mamba's watch.  Kobe's going to have everybody ready for this damn party, whether they like it or not. Expect him to have a full scouting report and game film of every drinking game participant. He'll also know what strategies will work best for picking up certain girls. Kobe comes prepared. Let's not talk about the Colorado incident...

RON ARTEST -ENFORCER
Plain and simple. When you're at a party where people are getting hammered, someone might try fight you for no reason at all. Think about the two aforementioned athletes on my squad. Brady is bound to swoop in on someone's girlfriend and Kobe is going to piss some people off during a game of BP, so having a guy like Ron would really come in handy. Besides that, Artest would be a good guy to hang out with. I mean, ya, the NBA seems to give him a bad rap, but really he hasn't done anything stupid as of late. When he's doing interviews he's laid back, quirky and seems like he'd be a loyal friend. Ron's going to make sure your crew is having a good time. Quietly pouring shots and getting people going. I see him as one of those guys you walk up to because he's kind of standing there swaying from side to side, obviously hammered.

"Ron you OK bruh?"

"Ya man, I'm coo." *cue cool guy hand shake*

Nobody is going to mess with you when you've got Ron-Ron on your squad. Despite his friendly demeanor, he does seem like a guy that would snap for no reason at all. You could bring 300 beers to a party and if a guy accidentally grabbed one, Ron would probably get really pissed for no reason and start a brawl.

WORST CASE SCENARIO: Someone at the party is trying to be friendly and is tossing cans out to people.
"Hey Ron! Catch this beer!"
*Tosses Beer*
Ron: "What the F*CK!?!?!"
Instant brawl.

STEVE NASH - CAMERA MAN

If you've ever seen Steve Nash, during games, outside of games, he's a very cool guy. He's also very good with film and working a camera if you've ever seen any of his short movies. Nash would be the guy that doesn't drink a lot that just chills in the background with a group of people telling funny stories. He'd also be a very cool bartender. Any time you want a good drink, Nashty is there for you. He'd keep everybody chill and would be the most enjoyable person out of the group. If someone has a problem with this Canadian, they just need to leave the party. He dated Nelly Furtado too. Come on...


RUDY FERNANDEZ - FUNNY FOREIGN GUY (that isn't Canadian...)

A few people may not know who Rudy Fernandez is, so let me explain. He is a basketball player from Spain with a faux hawk and a cool accent. Bringing Rudy along is like partying with the foreign exchange student. Somehow, between the funny accent and the clothes from 1997, everybody loves him. Whether it be the bros who somehow find it amusing to make him do all sorts of American drinking activities or the girls who think he's "cute." Rudy would be great because you could walk up in most situations and say, "Hey, my foreign friend here has never tried 151! Is it cool if he gets a shot?" or "Hey, my foreign friend here has a loveable accent, are you girls interested in having him say things?" It always works. The other thing I like about Rudy is that he plays basketball with a little flair, he just has this different style which oozes cool. So, put him in a party environment and who knows what he's going to do!

LUCAS' FIVE

 Randy Moss: Not only would I get to hang with the dude in his juice bar, I'd probably shake...his hand. Yeah, he smokes weed. So what? Have you been to college? Randy has. So have I. So there we go, something in common. I'm pulling for the Pats to bring back their winning ways so Randy and my boy Wes Welker can get the rings they deserve. Randy would also probably lend me 10 grand if I asked. It ain't shit.

Brett Favre: No...not Brett Favre...Well...Yeah, Brett Favre. No!...Maybe I'd hang with...nah...YES! Brett Favre! I'd hang with Brett Favre. He's been one of my favorite players since I was like 13.

Eddie House: Yeah, we know. I'm a huge House fan. If someone was smacking us backside the head, it's time to "Whoop Somebody Ass." Besides, he knows people. Played with pretty much every All-Star in the league at this point. And I'd meet D-Wade if Eddie invited him to his "House" party, which he invited me to first. 

Albert Pujols: By far, my favorite player in baseball. I'd hang with him cuz he speaks decent English and he seems like an approachable sort of guy. Then we could go find out where Red's 2nd baseman, Brandon Phillips, hangs out at, then go beat the shit out of him for talking shit about the Cardinals. 

Al Harris: The dude has that signature finger point "we're number 1" any time he picks the ball. I figure, he like to steal stuff. Take him to Pike Place Market in Seattle. The fisherman toss a big ol' bass and BOOM! Al Harris leaps out of nowhere and runs off with it, pointing to the sky! We could hang out at a Les Schwab. "Hey, Hank, throw me that there wrench!" BOOM! Al Harris hops in front of the throw and is gone down the street. You see someone you hate moving in on a girl. BOOM! Al Harris sweeps her off her feet and carries her to a nice beach, pointing at the sky again for no reason at all.












There you have it: my Fav Five.