Two Things!

In all my years of watching the NBA and playing NBA 2K-whatever, I have never been so pumped after the first few weeks of the regular season. To me, it has been a bit of a strange first chapter and as the season plays out, I hope that things become a bit more clear; unlike the NFL, where, apparently, no one is good and everyone is Super Bowl bound.

Here are a few of my astute observations:

1) Yup, I was right, the Lakers are good: At 8-0 they are the NBA's best team and have been fairly convincing while doing it. I realize that the Hornets are currently undefeated as well, but come on, they aren't a team, that's just Chris Paul destroying everyone! The LA offense is already in midseason form. They are currently first in points per game (a staggering 112.1), fourth in rebounds per game (46.1), and eleventh in points allowed (99.6). Keep in mind that the "points allowed" stat contains a lot of garbage time, second-unit minutes.

The big factor I see in this offensive resurgence is Lamar Odom. LO, already in shape and primed due to his World tourney tour, has been extremely efficient. Through eight games, Odom is shooting almost 63% from the field while averaging 15 ppg and 10 rpg. This gives him a strong Player Efficiency Rating of 19.1 as the third option on his team. Lamar moves the ball wall, defends well and rebounds; when you pair him with Pau Gasol, you are looking at, statistically, the top post duo in the NBA.

Oh and Pau Gasol is averaging 24, 11 and 5. Yup.

2) The Heat are...something: I find it interesting that the media is not freaking out now that the Heat have three losses. Well, it's probably good because they get too much coverage anyways, plus there is nothing to freak out about yet. I've heard that "Bosh is a bust," but you really can't buy all that. Personally, I feel that he's getting his ass kicked out there, especially defensively, I mean, Paul Millsap tore him up. Even though I'm not for the Heat winning it all this year and have enjoyed watching teams rise up against them, I'm not even close to saying they have glaring weaknesses.

On the other hand, they have glaring weaknesses. See my last blog.

The big three seem so uncomfortable out there, Wade and James are gelling a little bit, but  Bosh just looks left out and confused. I expect this to be fixed by All-Star Break.

Beat the Heat

We're through the first couple weeks of basketball this season and somehow, this is still the most intriguing season ever. It's like "The Decision" has single handedly changed the NBA and the levels of hate between teams. Think of these story lines: The Heat vs Everybody, Boston vs LAL, LAL vs. SEA-OKC, ORL vs. Boston and that's not even counting the resurgent Bulls.

The Heat, though they can no longer go undefeated, are widely expected to be the best team in basketball by the end of the year. Right now I believe the Lakers look like the best team in the NBA, and, as a surprise to me, Boston showed how teams CAN beat the Heat.

I know it was the first game of the season and it looked like Chris Bosh was about to shit his pants out of nervousness, but still, as a team, Boston played the same great defense that allowed them to not only take out Wade in the playoffs, but LeBron and Dwight Howard too. The thing that Boston does well is, they don't let your shooters get involved.

Look at the Magic last year. Dwight Howard's post game was virtually non-existent. Against Boston in the playoffs, the Celtics took away every aspect of the Orlando arsenal by following one simple philosophy: "Don't leave the shooters!"

If you watch closely, Orlando breaks down defenses by penetrating and kicking on bad rotations. This leaves all those shooters on the perimeter wide open. So instead of doubling on Dwight Howard and rotating to the open shooter, the Celts stuck with their man on the perimeter, effectively shutting down the Magic offense. 

With the Heat, I'm thinking that same strategy is going to work. The Celtics rotate so well that, if they do get caught out of position, they make up for it quicker than most teams.  With the Heat, the key has to be keeping the paint locked down. Wade and LeBron are going to drive and dish all day. Check that, LeBron is going to drive and dish, Wade is going to drive and get fouled, they have almost established this early on. Right now, it's too easy for LeBron and Wade to just dribble in and hit Bosh for a jumper or James Jones for a three.

Here are the five things defenses need to do to stop the Heat:

1) Sag off LeBron and Wade. Let them shoot jumpers all day! They're still going to be better than you, but these guys really start to get things going when they get in the lane. Neither of these guys are lights out from the perimeter so make them one dimensional by taking away the drive.

2) Be physical and stick on Bosh. Is LeBron driving to the hole? Yes? OK, are you guarding Chris Bosh? Yes? Alright, stay there. The worst thing you can do is try to help your teammate with a streaking LeBron on the way to the hole. One thing is almost guaranteed when this happens: the Heat will score. Either LeBron gets fouled and makes the bucket or Bosh hits an open jumper. The other thing that can happen? You stand in the way to take a charge. Good luck with that shit.

3) Deny D-Wade the ball. LeBron wants to spread the ball around. As long as you stay on Bosh and immediately deny Wade the ball, you've taken out the two other best options on that team.

4) Whoever is guarding Joel Anthony, DON'T GUARD JOEL ANTHONY! He may be the most awkward player in the NBA. I don't know why he even plays. I mean, they could get Mike Miller, Eddie House and Jerry Stackhouse, but they couldn't do any better than a terrible, undersized center to stand around and do nothing? There weren't any veteran players sitting around waiting to play? What can he do?! Either way, when you see LeBron with the ball, start coasting to the paint and be ready. First, cut off Wade, then cut off Bosh, finally stick to James Jones/Mike Miller. EVEN AFTER THAT do not guard Joel Anthony. At this point, you have LeBron with the ball and Joel Anthony open. That's the best possible situation.

5) Go big or go home. I like Chris Bosh, but he is being exposed early on. The Heat are going to need a lot of weak side help for big time post players. Every one should point to the Magic game in this situation because the Heat absolutely destroyed. Well, Dwight Howard is not that good of a passing big man and Rashard Lewis may not be a man at all, so they aren't a good example. Boston, the Lakers and even the Hawks have tough big men that can pass, so I expect them to do well versus the Heat. The key on offense is having a highly skilled point guard and two good big men.

Opening Night!

Finally! The night has come where SportsCenter replaces slow rolling ground balls with double-crossover, spin move, 360 windmill dunks! Opening night in the NBA is always great because it marks the one time people are really interested in basketball until the All-Star break. Admit it, you're excited to see LeBron, Wade and Chris Bush...Bash...Bosh...I don't know, he's not important...excited to see those three walk out on that WWE stage with all kinds of fireworks with the mellifluous sounds of Three-6-Mafia filling the arena. You'll scowl when you see Kobe recieve his fifth ring and make out with it for a couple minutes before throwing it away because he doesn't care about last year. You'll smile when you see Steve Nash step on the court just because he's so damn good and despite the fact that his time probably sucks, he's still going to give it 100% night in and night out.

How about a prediction:

Miami vs Boston
 Oh snap! The defending Eastern Conference champions are matched up with the Miami "Already won the championship for the next ten years" Heat! This is an awesome first game. First off, the Celtics are going to hate the Heat. I mean, they fight through injuries, criticism, team chemistry issues and all kinds of problems last year, make it the Finals, take LA to game 7 only to lose in the final minutes AND STILL they are second fiddle to the Heat.

 This team is gritty, proud and still very good. Also, it seems as if they are very rested up. A healthy Pierce and Garnett will only help Ray Allen get on track and Rajon Rondo is going to be very good regardless. Let's not forget the Big Leprechaun!  Shaq is not a fan of the Heat, he has played with both LeBron and D-Wade and remember, Shaq dropped that amazing "Chris Bosh is the Ru-Paul of big men" joke last year, which may have been the most underrated joke of all time.

I really don't see a way to predict this game. Last year, people wrote the Celtics off and didn't think they would amount to much. This year, the media has honed in on the Celtics and Heat being the top dogs in the East with the Magic as a darkhorse. So, maybe we're putting to much pressure on Boston this year?

The game: No one is going to be capable of stopping LeBron. If they put Paul Pierce on him, the Celtics can pretty much expect Pierce to completely die on the offensive end. Just look at the playoffs last year, same situation. The Celtics were eventually able to "stop" LeBron (and I mean "stop" because if you think LeBron from games 5 and 6 of that series was the same LeBron from the previous two seasons then you are out of your damn mind) by playing solid team defense. Unfortunatley for Boston, LeBron now has Wade and Bosh. I think Wade will be good, but I also feel like he's going to get injured chasing Ray Allen around.

Bosh versus Garnett is going to be good. I really feel like it's a bit of an even match up. Both finesse big men who can hit the outside shot and put the ball on the floor. I think Garnett is going to try to intimidate Bosh a little bit and he will probably wind up coming out the "winner." Garnett did a great job of guarding Pau Gasol in the Finals and is still great defensively.

This game is impossible to predict. ESPN's SportsNation poll has the Celtics winning. For me, not seeing the Heat play together, Wade's hamstring, Mike Miller being out and the Celtics just being a good team, I say Celtics win, but really have no idea, nor do I care.
CELTICS WIN
Boston 98, Miami 93

Wacka Flocka?!?!!

First of all, excuse this post.

Second of all, answer these questions:

What happened to Adam Morrison? Bust or bad situation?

Can Tracy McGrady be relevant?

Can the Nets finish above .500?

What team is going to take "the leap" this year?

Who will be in the finals?

And

Why is this season most intriguing?

Just think about these and I'll answer!

Back at it!

Sorry guys! I took a long hiatus to let football sink in, but now, we're already in the preseason and it's time to start making wild accusations and predictions which will probably turn out to be completely incorrect.

The first thing I'd like to do is give you my pre-season rankings. These are basically saying where I believe these teams are ranked coming into the season, not where they are going to end up.

1) LA LAKERS 
 The Lakers are the defending champs, brought back all their key players, brought back their hall of fame coach, and added to their team with solid veteran players. There is really no reason the Lake Show should not come back into the season with the title of "Best in the NBA."


2) MIAMI HEAT
 They're so good. It's ridiculous. It kind of hurts. Knowing that they have two potential MVP candidates (Chris Bosh was never a legit MVP candidate. Check the voting. I don't care) and somehow amassed a good collection of role players. They just need a point guard that can somewhat play defense and dribble at least 10 ft., already have Mike Miller to hit jump shots and threes and a slew of serviceable big men to clog the middle. LeBron and Wade are great on their own, but with another very good player like Bosh, this is just stupid.

3)  BOSTON CELTICS
  It was actually difficult to pick this spot. The Celtics are still good somehow. I think they're falling off and shouldn't win games. I mean, Paul Pierce just keeps getting fatter and slower; Garnett can't move that well anymore and Ray Allen has just fallen apart. They need to make some trades. SOMEHOW they still win and they will continually win until retirement. They need JO and Shaq to play decently until Perkins is at full strength. Mark my words, they will NOT be as good defensively due to the lack of Tom Thibodeau on the sidelines. His jump to the Chi is going to hurt the C's.

4) CHICAGO BULLS

 And here is where I tell you that the addition of Thibodeau on the Chicago sideline will launch the Bulls into the top tier of the NBA. They have one of the best guards in the league in Derrick Rose, a strong center with great potential in Joakim Noah and now a legit scorer to compliment the latter's defensive skills in Carlos Boozer. This team will be a strong contender and will be fired up to play the Heat. For some reason, they will have a glaring weakness in the playoffs and be eliminated in the second round. Damn. 

5) DALLAS MAVERICKS
  The Mavs are always good! I rank them this high because of their consistency and because they will now have  a full offseason together (with the additions of Caron Butler and Brendan Haywood mid-season) to get acquainted. Dirk is going to be great, there should not be any doubt about that. I think Roddy Beaubois is going to see some more PT as well with Jason Kidd steadily aging. The Mavs are due for one more big year and I think this is going to be the season when they are undoubtedly the best team in Texas. 

6) ORLANDO MAGIC
  I was one of many that were wholly underwhelmed by the Magic's seemingly early exit from the playoffs last year. Well, as it turns out, they are still a good team, but I feel they are the most overrated team in the NBA. Dwight Howard is a really good player, I knocked him last year because of his lack of post moves and mobility. Then I had to realize, he was putting up MVP numbers without a solid post game?! So this summer, he supposedly worked with Hakeem Olajuwon, the best offensive center ever in my opinion,  to step his game up. We all know last year Kobe and the Dream worked together and KB24s game added a whole dimension with those new low-post skills. Now Howard is no Kobe Bryant, but if he is FINALLY putting in the effort to be the unstoppable force everybody knows he could be, that's a good sign for South Beach's next door rival.

  Still, despite D.How being a great franchise player (maybe), this team really isn't that good. Vince Carter is terrible. Just a bad, bad idea. His entire career was built on him driving to the hole, finishing strong and initiating contact. Defenders would back off to stop the drive and that is when the man formerly known as Air Canada would rise up with a decent J and score without taking a damn dribble. Now, his already poor defense is exposed even more as injuries and age have caught up with him, he has turned into a jump shooter with little penetration ability and he pouts more than ever. His time should be split with JJ Reddick who showed he was more than a capable starter during the playoffs.  Jameer Nelson is the only other "piece" of the Magic puzzle I like. Otherwise, there are just a bunch of shooters standing around the perimeter not looking at Dwight Howard.

7) OKLAHOMA CITY SONIC STEALERS

  The franchise formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics looks to be in good shape this year with Kevin Durant's ridiculously talented, lanky ass leading the way. The key here is, do the other pieces pick it up as well? Durant got better during the offseason, he's played and won on the international stage and become more of a leader. He's the man. The thing with Durant is, can he be effective against all types of defense? For instance, last year he ran away with the  scoring title, but against Ron Artest's physical defense, he struggled badly. With Durant, his lack of strength is going to be a minor chink in his armor. This is what separates LeBron James from KD. LeBron will dominate any individual defender. KD still struggles with a guy that is smart and extremely strong. Lucky for him there's only about one defender that fits that bill in the NBA.

8) UTAH JAZZ
  The Jazz may have come away with the biggest steal of the offseason. It's not quite on the Pau Gasol level of steal, but it could be close. They lost Carlos Boozer. Great inside scorer, not a very good leader, injury prone, defensive liability. So what do they do? They get a bigger, younger and potentially better big man in Al Jefferson. He may be a weird fit for Jerry Sloan's fast motion, passing offense, but when you have a towering, strong scorer inside and arguably the best point guard in the NBA distributing the ball, I don't think it's going to be a problem. 


9) SAN ANTONIO SPURS
Aging, slow, boring. Still better than 3/4 of the teams in the NBA. If last year is any indication, we should know by now that discounting a team with championship experience, a great coach and good chemistry is just a stupid idea. Because once the playoffs roll around, those teams are the most likely to pull off an upset. Case in point, Boston and San Antonio. The Spurs should not have beaten the Mavericks last year. When I first saw that match up, I wondered, "How the hell did this happen?!" The Mavericks can finish with the second best record in the West and somehow wind up playing the Spurs in the first round of the playoffs? That may have been the worst first round draw ever and a huge case for a revamped playoff system. I mean, the Bulls sneak in at 41-41, with all due respect, the Bulls are a good team, but the Grizzlies could have given them a great series last year and they didn't even make it to the playoffs!

Rant aside, the Spurs look really good this year and I think Tiago Splitter is going to be awesome. Duncan is going to do his thing down low, and Splitter, the best big man not in the NBA, will be able to stretch the floor and add a great element to a well disciplined Spurs offense. San Antonio is going to be VERY good this year. From what I've read, Duncan is in amazing shape and has been working all summer. Ginobli is back to his old self and actually, when using metric stats, his efficiency and +/- has been better than Kobe Bryant's for the past 5 years. Tony Parker seems to be the only question mark, but I think being healthy and really showing the Spurs that he want so to be in SA is going to drive him back to being the great distributor and playmaker he really is.

10) DENVER NUGGETS
  I know, I know, tenth is pretty high for a team like the Nuggets, but I'm basing these ratings off of what I see currently and last year. As of right now, I see a team that finished 53-29, was tied for second in the league with a home record of 34-7 and added Al Harrington who average 17-20 points in the last two seasons.

We all know the situation with Carmelo Anthony. As of right now he is a Denver Nugget, and since he is a part of that organization, they must be rated a top ten team. When you combine the above elements, Anthony, Chauncey Billups and a serviceable bench, you get a top 10 team.


MORE RANKINGS COMING SOON!

Week 2 Picks

It's late. We're lazy. Everybody just wants it to be Sunday so they can go to church watch football. We decided that you guys need to know who we pick to win. So, quickly, here's the run down:

Pittsburgh at Tenesee
Lucas: Tennessee BJones: Tennessee

Philadelphia at Detroit

Lucas:Philly BJones: Philly

Arizona at Atlanta
Lucas: Atlanta BJones: Atlanta

Miami at Minnesota
Lucas: Minnesota BJones: Miami

Kansas City at Cleveland
Lucas: KC  BJones: Cleveland

Tampa Bay at Carolina
 Lucas: Carolina  BJones: Tampa Bay

Buffalo at Green Bay
Lucas: GB   BJones: GB

Chicago at Dallas
Lucas: Chicago   BJones: Dallas

Seattle at Denver
Lucas: Seattle  BJones: Denver

St. Louis at Oakland
Lucas: St. Louis  BJones: St. Louis

Jacksonville at San Diego
 Lucas: San Diego  BJones: Jacksonville

New England at NY Jets
 Lucas: New England  BJones: New England

Houston at Washington
Lucas: Houston  BJones: Houston

NY Giants at Indianpolis
Lucas: Colts  BJones: Colts

Baltimore at Cincinati
Lucas: Cincinnati BJones: Baltimore

New Orleans at San Francisco
Lucas: New Orleans  BJones: New Orleans

Switching Flows

Alright, so this has been primarily a basketball blog, but no more! I have an opinion on some things football so I'm going to get involved. With the season now officially underway, I feel that I have to throw out some last minute predictions and opinions, just to piss people off. Then I was like, "wait, why don't I just ask my friends to think of ridiculous things to say so that I can dispute everything?" Well that is exactly what I intend to do as I present to you, the

BJONES AND LUCAS FOOTBALL EXTRAVAGANZA .com

LUCAS' 5 THINGS HE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO:

1. The Pats will be back. Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Wes Welker, you know the names.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE. JUST VERNON DAVIS BEING HUGE

Bjones: Oooooohhhh yeah! I like this one. Tom Brady is a great quarterback and when you practice like a champion, you play like a champion. Brady is going to be an MVP candidate. Wes Welker was injured last year, so what? He's Wes Welker and he's a beast, give him the ball. Let's not forget Randy "Ya I Smoke Weed" Moss. The Boss is going to have a solid season catchin' footballs because it's a contract year and he wants to get that paper!

2. Adrian Peterson WILL still fumble at least 15 times. Watch.

Bjones: Oh God yes....He does that...

3. Chad Ochocinco and TO on the Bengals. I hope that something ridiculous happens with those two. They get pissed at each other because TO calls 85 a bitch for having a worse touchdown celebration. Or TO changes his name to "Ochouno."

Bjones: No way dude, they coexist in harmony, but they're going to have a bad season, Carson Palmer is going to get pissed, people are going to get tired of 85s antics and TO will have to ride off into the sunset. A failed experiment. 

4. Hopefully at least one of these teams will have a decent season for the first time in years: Lions, Browns, Rams, NOT THE SEAHAWKS, Redskins, 49ers. The Texans ought to make the playoffs this year.

Bjones: I have no beef with the Seahawks, just their fans. Until their fans quit talking the Seahawks into the Super Bowl before preseason starts, I will never support them. I do hope the Lions are good, and the Niners. I like Alex Smith, Crabtree is legit, P. Willis is going to be the best linebacker in the league and Vernon Davis is the most intense physical specimen on the planet.

5. Ben Roethlisberger coming back from his suspension. He'll likely celebrate his first win as a starter in week 5 or 6 by heading out to a bar, getting wasted, beating the shit out of some chick, crash his motorcycle, lose some teeth and an arm, go to jail, and get suspended again. But he has two rings...so it's cool.

Bjones: Exactly

Other Predictions

Richard Garza

1) The Saints will not make the playoffs

Bjones: I really don't get this, but I guess people have this thing about Super Bowl hangovers. Maybe Tricky Dick is basing this prediction solely off the Madden Curse???? I mean if Brees goes down, the Saints go down. How realistic is this prediction? I give it a thumbs up with %52. Not too weak, not outrageous.

2) The Packers will get scored on as much, if not more, than they score. 

Bjones: Ummmm....so they're not good is what you're saying? I don't know what this means. You sound like John Madden. Prediction Rating - D+

3) This is the year the Texans finally overtake the Colts.

Bjones: Hey, this isn't bad. The Texans are a good team, but I think we tend to overlook the Colts because of how boring they are. We never want them to do well because they are soooooo boring. They have no cool players, their uniforms suck and they're just annoying. What does Peyton Manning even spend his money on? Probably clothes at JCPenney. I dislike the Colts. Prediction Rating - B

Anthony Scales

1) The Lions win 7 games!

Bjones: People seem to like the Lions, not to win it all, but they just like them. I do too, they're only going to win 5 games though.

2) Brett Favre will not make it the whole season.

Bjones: Ya, I think this is probably true. Who knows though, nobody is allowed to hit the quarterback anymore.

3)   Green Bay and Baltimore in the Super Bowl.

Bjones: I'd love to see Ed Reed and Ray Lewis back in the Super Bowl. I think expectations are too high for the Pack this year. Someone is going to get hurt and all kinds of wacka flocka

First Game Prediction! A lil late!

Predictions!

They're just dandy. Since it's the first NFL game of the season, I figured, what the hell, let's say a lil something.

LUCAS:

It's time for some football, folks. You know how we can be sure about that? Old Spice is using Ray Lewis in their commercials now. And thanks to money, we get to watch a rematch of the NFC Championship Game! The defending champs: New Orleans Saints look to break that curse of Superbowl defending flops. However, after waiting all year to see if Brett Favre is going to be playing again, we finally get to see him with his dangerous Vikings team again. I think..unless he retires in the next 30 minutes...

Drew Brees had a monster year, so he's looking to top his stats once more, and put another Lombardi in the trophy case. His birthmark will also be making an appearance in today's game. Reggie Bush may not have his Heisman much longer, but who cares anymore?? That was forever ago. He has a ring. Shut up and watch the damn game. I'd also like to mention my fantasy DE, Will "Smoove Skrempf Smiff" Smith, who I'm hoping gets a few sacks here and there. But I think ol' Brett will still have a decent year, with plenty of options to go to, in the air or on the ground. Adrian Peterson, hold on to that ball. No more "Uh oh, I'm heading for a maze of 7 defenders! Better hold on to the tip of the ball and hold it 4 feet away from my body, while waving my arms like a Raven (RAY LEWIS!!!!!).
I'm going to say it's gonna be an offensive game, but there will be some good defensive plays by the Saints.
I say the Saints win 35-27.

BJONES: I don't get it! People, all of a sudden, are writing the Saints off! Seriously? Did something happen between the Super Bowl and today that made the Saints a 7-9 team? I see no reason why they shouldn't be one of the top three teams in the NFL this year. Drew Brees and Sean Peyton both have great minds as far as offense goes. Their defense can hold it down, especially knowing they have Brees & co. putting up points. 14 wins in a row, a Super Bowl win and they still have New Orleans to play for. Tonight, a beat up Favre, a sad recieving core and a good defense will not stop the champs.

Prediction: Saints win 38-17

Coolest Entry EVER

There are so many things that we, as normal, "I have a boring job, a car, maybe a couple cats, an apartment etc." folks will never be able to do. So what?! Doesn't mean we can't make things up! That is exactly what I am about to do. I am going to give you my "5 Athletes to Bring to a Party" team. Each guy brings something special to the team, so I'll go into detail to let you know why these 5 guys would instantly make you awesome. Get em'

MY SQUAD:
Team Captain: Tom Brady (QB, New England Patriots)
Drinking Game Specialist: Kobe Bryant (SG, Los Angeles Lakers)
Enforcer: Ron Artest (Crazy Ass, Los Angeles Lakers)
Camera Man: Steve Nash (PG, Phoenix Suns)
Funny foreign guy that's not Canadian: Rudy Fernandez (Guard, Spanish National Team)

TOM BRADY aka TB12 - TEAM CAPTAIN

Yeah, I know this is a basketball blog, but since this really has nothing to do with basketball anyways, who cares? Tom Brady is the ultimate guy. Most men hate him and I can totally see why. He plays quarterback for the Patriots, is rarely ever touched and seems to care a lot about the way he looks. The deduction most people get from this? TB12 = Gay. That's fine. I'm still putting him in charge of my squad. I think most guys are jealous because, let's face it, there's not a high percentage of males that don't want to be Brady. First off, he's so bad ass that he has two first names, when you're as good as TB12, a last name isn't necessary. Secondly, he is "the cool main character" in every high school teen drama. "Oh hi, I'm Tom Brady. I'm a good natured, handsome man that just happens to be the starting quarterback on a great team. People seem to dislike me, but once they get to know me it's all good!"That's got to be every guys secret life fantasy. 1) Good looking 2) Amazing quarterback. Have  you ever seen him at a press conference? A journalist's dream! Anything that he's done wrong can be turned into the greatest statement ever! He has this stupid amount of charm that would get him out of any bad situation. For instance, in football:

Reporter: Hey Tom, you threw that interception in the second quarter, but it definitely looked like the defender had grabbed your face mask.

TB12: Ya, you know that was all my fault. The guy came through the line and just got a good grip on my face mask and that's just a throw I need to make really. We come out and practice hard every day and I know if I was a little more focused I could've got that one in there.

Reporter: Really Tom? I mean, it was a clear penalty. It looks like the ref missed the call.

TB12: Ya, the refs were doing a heckuva job out there today and I can't thank them enough for going out and giving it their all every Sunday. The only thing that "missed" was that pass I threw apparently. (Flashes Golden Smile)

Entire Press Congregation:  HAHAHAHAHAHA! TOM BRADY IS SO COOL!

Imagine him in front of a judge for a crime.

Judge: Mr. Brady, you are being charged with running over an 85 year old woman's cat on purpose. How do you plead?

TB12: You know I can't say enough about my neighbor. She's out there every morning at 6 AM getting her daily newspaper with her cat and she gives it her all, day in and day out. And that cat is just great, I mean he's always following her around scratchin' on stuff and sleeping, I just live in a great neighborhood with great people.

Judge: What?

TB12:  Hey I just want to thank my lawyers over here because I wouldn't be the defendant I was today without a great team of lawyers protecting me out here. They just do a great job and I'm going to walk out of here a free man even though I ran that cat over faster than Randy Moss on a go route over the middle. (Flashes Golden Smile)

Judge and Jury: HAHAHAHAHA! TOTALLY NOT GUILTY BRO!

You see? Tom Brady is just awesome. Some of the particular skills he brings to the table:
Great Communications: As a QB, he's known to direct an offense and a group of guys going out to a party is always on the offensive. They need a strong leader with communication skills to lead them to victory, whether it be with women or a bar fight.
Natural Charm: He can say the right things at the right time. This can be used to break up a fight or get the cops to leave.
Good looks: Combined with the charm, he's going to do work.

TB12 Team Captain.

KOBE BRYANT aka "The Black Mamba" - DRINKING GAME SPECIALIST

If we know anything about Kobe, it's that he hates to lose. That is why I would partner up with him for every drinking game. Imagine you're playing beer pong. You better not miss any cups or Kobe is going to be pissed of first of all. Second of all, let's say you're locked in a tight game with two fat frat boys, 1 cup to 1. You miss your shot, people are gathering and watching, you're embarrassed, Kobe is pissed off and staring at you like you just clubbed a baby seal that he wanted to club first, the frat boys are high fiving and adjusting their hats to be even more backwards. Then Kobe Bryant, the best closer in the NBA, the Black Mamba, a stone cold, ice in his f'ing veins assassin, steps up and drills the shot. The crowd goes wild, the frat boys go from cool to "average fat kids that really shouldn't be cool" and Kobe calmly starts setting the cups up again like nothing happened then says, "Who got next?" So many drinking games rely on a guy finishing the game. Take the same scenario for flip cup, Kobe would flip that shit so fast you'd think he was cookin some Aunt Jemima pancakes! The best thing about "The Mamba" is that as the night goes on, most people get more drunk. Kobe only gets more pissed and competitive. Also, Kobe is going to be the dick who doesn't let everyone drink all your beer. That's Kobe's beer, don't touch it.

The skills Kobe brings to the group:
1) As stated above, the competitive nature will get you noticed at  most parties. Kobe will show his superiority by beating every other male at the party...at everything. Some guy: "Bro I just took 6 shots!" Kobe's reaction? Take sixteen shots and tell that punk ass to step his game up. There is a negative to playing with Kobe though. Once you appear to dominate the competition, a couple girls are bound to step up to play for fun. KB24, instead of just letting the game go and getting to know them, will absolutely obliterate these girls and then tell them to "get off the table." Damn it Kobe....

2) Kobe demands the best out of people. Are you really going to wear that shirt out tonight? Not on the Mamba's watch.  Kobe's going to have everybody ready for this damn party, whether they like it or not. Expect him to have a full scouting report and game film of every drinking game participant. He'll also know what strategies will work best for picking up certain girls. Kobe comes prepared. Let's not talk about the Colorado incident...

RON ARTEST -ENFORCER
Plain and simple. When you're at a party where people are getting hammered, someone might try fight you for no reason at all. Think about the two aforementioned athletes on my squad. Brady is bound to swoop in on someone's girlfriend and Kobe is going to piss some people off during a game of BP, so having a guy like Ron would really come in handy. Besides that, Artest would be a good guy to hang out with. I mean, ya, the NBA seems to give him a bad rap, but really he hasn't done anything stupid as of late. When he's doing interviews he's laid back, quirky and seems like he'd be a loyal friend. Ron's going to make sure your crew is having a good time. Quietly pouring shots and getting people going. I see him as one of those guys you walk up to because he's kind of standing there swaying from side to side, obviously hammered.

"Ron you OK bruh?"

"Ya man, I'm coo." *cue cool guy hand shake*

Nobody is going to mess with you when you've got Ron-Ron on your squad. Despite his friendly demeanor, he does seem like a guy that would snap for no reason at all. You could bring 300 beers to a party and if a guy accidentally grabbed one, Ron would probably get really pissed for no reason and start a brawl.

WORST CASE SCENARIO: Someone at the party is trying to be friendly and is tossing cans out to people.
"Hey Ron! Catch this beer!"
*Tosses Beer*
Ron: "What the F*CK!?!?!"
Instant brawl.

STEVE NASH - CAMERA MAN

If you've ever seen Steve Nash, during games, outside of games, he's a very cool guy. He's also very good with film and working a camera if you've ever seen any of his short movies. Nash would be the guy that doesn't drink a lot that just chills in the background with a group of people telling funny stories. He'd also be a very cool bartender. Any time you want a good drink, Nashty is there for you. He'd keep everybody chill and would be the most enjoyable person out of the group. If someone has a problem with this Canadian, they just need to leave the party. He dated Nelly Furtado too. Come on...


RUDY FERNANDEZ - FUNNY FOREIGN GUY (that isn't Canadian...)

A few people may not know who Rudy Fernandez is, so let me explain. He is a basketball player from Spain with a faux hawk and a cool accent. Bringing Rudy along is like partying with the foreign exchange student. Somehow, between the funny accent and the clothes from 1997, everybody loves him. Whether it be the bros who somehow find it amusing to make him do all sorts of American drinking activities or the girls who think he's "cute." Rudy would be great because you could walk up in most situations and say, "Hey, my foreign friend here has never tried 151! Is it cool if he gets a shot?" or "Hey, my foreign friend here has a loveable accent, are you girls interested in having him say things?" It always works. The other thing I like about Rudy is that he plays basketball with a little flair, he just has this different style which oozes cool. So, put him in a party environment and who knows what he's going to do!

LUCAS' FIVE

 Randy Moss: Not only would I get to hang with the dude in his juice bar, I'd probably shake...his hand. Yeah, he smokes weed. So what? Have you been to college? Randy has. So have I. So there we go, something in common. I'm pulling for the Pats to bring back their winning ways so Randy and my boy Wes Welker can get the rings they deserve. Randy would also probably lend me 10 grand if I asked. It ain't shit.

Brett Favre: No...not Brett Favre...Well...Yeah, Brett Favre. No!...Maybe I'd hang with...nah...YES! Brett Favre! I'd hang with Brett Favre. He's been one of my favorite players since I was like 13.

Eddie House: Yeah, we know. I'm a huge House fan. If someone was smacking us backside the head, it's time to "Whoop Somebody Ass." Besides, he knows people. Played with pretty much every All-Star in the league at this point. And I'd meet D-Wade if Eddie invited him to his "House" party, which he invited me to first. 

Albert Pujols: By far, my favorite player in baseball. I'd hang with him cuz he speaks decent English and he seems like an approachable sort of guy. Then we could go find out where Red's 2nd baseman, Brandon Phillips, hangs out at, then go beat the shit out of him for talking shit about the Cardinals. 

Al Harris: The dude has that signature finger point "we're number 1" any time he picks the ball. I figure, he like to steal stuff. Take him to Pike Place Market in Seattle. The fisherman toss a big ol' bass and BOOM! Al Harris leaps out of nowhere and runs off with it, pointing to the sky! We could hang out at a Les Schwab. "Hey, Hank, throw me that there wrench!" BOOM! Al Harris hops in front of the throw and is gone down the street. You see someone you hate moving in on a girl. BOOM! Al Harris sweeps her off her feet and carries her to a nice beach, pointing at the sky again for no reason at all.












There you have it: my Fav Five. 

NBA 2K12, Listen Up!

As a professional athlete, you are going to  be scrutinized, criticized and Jim Romeatized no matter what you do. You become an assett or a commodity to the league and your worth is based upon your production. Simple enough. This leaves the door open for everybody to judge what you do on a daily basis and what is most important is your play. Because most of the time, off-field issues can be supplanted by great play. Kobe Bryant's famous case in Colorado for instance. So what we are going to do here is look at the play of a group of NBA players and decide if they are overrated or underrated. We have done our best to take out personal bias and contractual interests. For instance, if a bad player gets a mega contract, we aren't going to hold that player to his contract value. An example would be Darko Milicic. Looking at his current contract we would say that he is overrated. Taking the contract out of the situation and gathering a general public feel based upon media and friend's opinions, Darko isn't really overrated, he just sucks.

So thank you to everybody who contributed to the list: Luke, Anthony (who came up with the idea), Jordan and Matt. Good looks also from Robert who not only contributed to the list, but helped settle a few of the in-betweens on the list. Also, he informed me that Deron Williams is overrated and that he is the 11th best point guard in the NBA. You learn something new every day.

Without further ado, Lucas and I give you an analysis on overrated and underrated players in the NBA.

Glen "Big Baby, Uno-Uno" Davis
Bjones: This was one of my favorites on the list because it's so hard to tell with bench players. In that context though, I really do like what Davis brings to the table. He isn't the most physically gifted guy on the court, but he plays hard and he has a passion for the game. I was on the fence for awhile between underrated or neither, but Robert brought up a good point. When you look at his companion, Nate Robinson, Davis brings a little something different to his team. Nate can come out and score 40 and get the crowd pumped, but that's very rare, his team is not necessarily better when he's on the court. When you bring G-Deezy in, he might not score 40, but he'll hustle and give everything he has to give his starters some rest. He comes in and does what is expected of him. 

Lucas: Loved him at LSU, love him on the Celts. He won a ring fairly easily, with a much smaller role in 2008. In the past two years, he has proven himself to be a key player on Boston, both as a starter when KG went down, and in the 2010 playoffs. I'm not going to call him underrated, but the guy deserves some attention. Big Baby plays hard. Sometimes I just wish he could rebound a little better...*KENDRICK PERKINS*COUGH*!!!!

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

Pau Gasol
Bjones: Everybody knows I love Pau Gasol. I think he's the best big man currently playing in the NBA. He's versatile, great with both hands, has an array of post moves, a 15-foot jumper, solid rebounding skills and is smart defensively. People dislike him because he looks so goofy and gangly, but damn, he is so skilled! It may not even be that he is skilled, he just has a great basketball IQ. His passing ability is amazing for a big man and he sees things offensively that are just too hard to game plan against. I think the best thing about Gasol is his passion for the game. It's what I like about most European or foreign players. They seem like they are here to play the game and nothing else. I remember earlier this season the media was trying to stir something up because Pau stated that the offense would be smoother if Kobe wasn't shooting so much. He was right, and he said it because he knew he was right. Kobe even admitted that he was right. The bottom line is, Gasol could care less about Gucci, whippin Benzes or showing up in music videos. He's here to play basketball and win games. It's hard to find skilled players like him with the mindset of "I'm here to win, f*ck everything else."

Lucas: Well this guy seems to be the ingredient that really launched the  Lakers back to championship status. Not even three full seasons in LA: 3 Finals, 2 rings. We've touched on this before: Pau is a beast.

VERDICT: UNDERRATED
 
Gerald Wallace and Stephen Jackson
Bjones: It was suggested that I put these guys together. For what reason? I don't know, but both of these guys are very good players and are responsible for Charlotte's rise in the NBA. G-Force and Jax are tenacious on both ends of the floor and they don't get a lot of props. For what they have done in their careers and for their teams, these guys should probably be noticed a little bit more. Production, wins and hustle. Gotta love that.
Lucas (on Gerald Wallace): He doesn't put on a show during the Slam Dunk Contest, but he's crazy on the court, helping the Bobcats make the playoffs. I just now recalled that that did in fact happen. However, he has had a number of strange injuries, including a concussion, a broken rib, and a  collapsed lung. Nicknamed "Crash", it's Charotte's hope  that Wallace's career can stay on the rise and not crash (INSERT BJONES COMMENT: Zingggg!).

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

Danny Granger
Bjones: I saw arguments for both sides on this one. Danny Granger is a player to look out for, actually he has been. He is now the face of the Pacers and will be the anchor for that franchise as long as he is there. There is not much of a basis for him being overrated. He was an All-Star last year and he deserved it. Granger is an efficient scorer and capable defender. Maybe with Darren Collison coming in DG will get the props he deserves.

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

Chauncey Billups
Lucas: Used to be amazing to me, then I kinda stopped caring until last year when I finally started paying attention to the Nuggets again. Made the All-Star team...BJones will kill this one off for me.

Bjones: B-b-b-b-b-b-BILLUPS! What else does he have to do? Seriously! What else can he do? "Mr. Big Shot" is a champion and finals MVP, yet he's kind of hard to remember if you're talking about the top 5 point guards in the league. He is a leader and a great competitor. Always has been. He just doesn't demand the attention of a Williams or a Paul, yet if he's on your team, everybody gets better. What if he traded places with Tony Parker? The Spurs are better. Jameer Nelson? The Magic are better. Chauncey is a winner and his leadership is amazing. Could you imagine having to deal with Kenyon Martin acting like a punk ass, Chris Andersen acting like a punk ass, and JR Smith just being a punk ass?! I bet Coby Karl is a punk ass too, he just hasn't admitted it. Seriously though, if Parker was running this team, they would not be cohesive. In the locker room, I'm thinking, if Billups says something, people shut up and listen. He's the vet and leader. Melo bought into the winning attitude and has become a better player because of it. If you think Billups doesn't deserve more recognition, look at the Nuggets pre-Billups and the Pistons post Billups. Yup.


VERDICT: UNDERRATED


Tim Duncan
Bjones: Timmy is just good. Best power forward ever? One could easily make the argument. He's never bad. He just wins. For some reason, because he's as boring as a Peyton Manning visit to a strip club, we just kind of shrug him off. The fact that we were able to watch greatness over the last decade, yet somehow avoided it is kind of sad. Superstar: yes. NBA great: yes. Underrated: Hell yes, and we're going to miss him when he's done.

Lucas: I think he's a great player in his own right, but I think that he needs to supporting cast much more than most "superstars". Yes he's won 4 rings, but those were all real solid team efforts, with different keys each time. It was a pretty weak season by Spurs standards, although they beat a heavily favored Mavs team. Then they got swept by the Suns...So...who's to blame? Duncan is at the point where his career will remain consistent, but not special.


VERDICT: UNDERRATED


Rudy Gay
This is difficult. I believe Rudy Gay has not lived up to his potential, but he is not a bad player. No one is elevating him to superstardom except his GM, plus he's never been named to an All-Star team; probably because he has two other great players playing his position in Melo' and Durant. He will average about 20 ppg and 6 reb. yet he's kind of buried in Memphis. I think he is one of the better young players in the league. It's going to take a breakout year for people to stop sleeping on him.

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

Amar'e Stoudemire
Cool guy. Explosive and athletic. Fun to watch.  Never averaged 10 rebounds in his career. Terrible defensively. Getting worse every year in the playoffs. Overrated.

VERDICT: OVERRATED

Brandon Roy
Bjones: Rookie of the Year, All-Rookie team, All-Star, All-NBA team; Brandon Roy can't be labeled as overrated. On the other hand, he still seems to be flying under the radar. It seems like people have doubted B-Roy since he came into the league, but I believe you can build a franchise around him. He's got great size, his skill set is awesome and he's clutch. His leadership skills are getting better and better so Portland is in great hands. People need to realize that Roy is in the elite group of top 15 players in the league; he's not to be treated like Jason Richardson.

Lucas: ROY Roy can straight up do it all. If you think he's out for the season, he'll come back to play in the  playoffs. I point the biggest key of his success to the UW. He could have gone early in the draft, but chose to stay for his senior year, fine tuning what was already a balling machine. His NBA career so far is nothing short of BlazerLegend, a phrase which I just made up. He has exceeded where Greg Oden failed. Only problem is that I can't see him winning a title in P-Town, sorry to say. Maybe they'll make some trades or AI will come off the bench...

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

 Trevor Ariza
What can I say, I loved Ariza with LA. Unfortunately, he overrated himself, asked for a stupid contract and, since the Lakers aren't the 76'ers, they told him to GTFO. Underrated as a Laker, overrated in free agency, overrated in Houston and will probably be overrated in New Orleans. He's a number 3 guy, not 1 or 2.


VERDICT: OVERRATED


Yao Ming
The Rockets, China and the NBA had great hopes for Yao Ming. Could a player that size be effective in the NBA? Hadn't really been proven yet (Shawn Bradley, hella good).  Say he's overhyped, fine, but when he's on the court he changes the game. It's unfortunate for the league and fans that Yao has been hurt. He averages a near double-double and two blocks. Just because he's 7'6" doesn't mean he needs to average 30-20 and 5 blocks. Give me a 7 footer with those numbers that shoots over 80% from the line any day.

VERDICT: UNDERRATED

Carmelo Anthony
Bjones: I believe Melo may be the most compelling, interesting player on this list. He's known as a star in the league, one of the most recognizable names, yet, he's just kind of there. Ever notice that? He's a great player, but he hasn't really brought his team to the forefront of the NBA. Why is Melo so quiet? I mean, we know about Chris Paul, we know about LeBron, Wade, Kobe, those guys all have this niche and they really stand out. Somehow, in Denver, Melo is stuck in the back. I think the problem is, he doesn't have a rep. CP3, maybe the best PG in the league, LeBron is possibly the best player in the league, same with Kobe. Buried beneath this is Melo. An All-Star who is not the best player at his position, who has never led his team to the finals or lived in a compelling city like New Orleans. In other words, we have a great player who is living a bland career. Now with all this drama going on and him probably leaving, I think we're going to see something different. He's going to be a championship contender and a top 5 MVP candidate. So, just for the sake of this column. I have to believe Melo, though a star, is still being doubted a little too much.

Lucas: I  dunno...I've actually never been a huge fan  of Melo in the NBA. Not sure what it is, but I've never pulled for the Nuggets. Yeah, Anthony is still good, but he hasn't won a championship (Lebron  James),  and is it just me, or did he gain 100 pounds?

VERDICT: UNDERRATED


Rashard Lewis
Maybe he's playing out of position, maybe he's getting old, maybe coming out of high school has caught up with him, but Rashard Lewis has just sucked recently. The Magic brought him in to space the floor and be a rangy, lanky forward. Well, now, he stands around the perimeter launching threes and not hitting many of them, all the while being manhandled on defense. Rashard is not a capable power forward, so I can't knock him for doing what his coach deems best, but damn, he is such a defensive liability. Everyone seems to be stronger and more tenacious.The good thing about him is that he has stayed healthy recently, but the fact is, he's just not very athletic anymore, he never bulked up and does not have the heart to consistently perform in the playoffs.


VERDICT: OVERRATED

Dude, you're just a douche...

Introduction by Lucas León
The summer wears on, with nothing really exciting going on in the world of sports, except for the newly revived Arena Football League Playoffs. Oh, you hadn't heard about that? I just found out too. Anywho, what better way to keep the blogs rocking than with another uselessly awesome list?

Today's Subject: Douche Bags of the NBA

Which NBA players do we look back on and say "He was a real D-Bag Johnson?" Fear not, because a large can of the douchiest douches shall now be opened!!

Anderson Varejao - Bjones

 I despise Varejao. You already know I have  a problem with his "role" as an "energy player." I mean seriously, if he comes off the bench, runs around in circles, tips a rebound and falls over whenever anyone comes into contact with him, does that make him an energy player?  I don't want to hear Reggie Miller say, "Oh and just look at the energy Andy Varejao brings off the bench!" after Varejao trips over his own shoe lace and somehow forces a turnover. If there is any rule change I would like to see, it would be the flopping rule. Just watch Varejao. I'm pretty sure he attempts to draw a charge about 8.72 times per 35 minutes. That has to be a real stat. I mean, he's a big guy and if Earl Watson drives into him, I expect him to jump up, block the shot and Spartan Kick the little dude in the chest. Alas, he's not Dikembe Mutombo. Either way, if Varejao wanted to spend that much time on his back, he could just play quarterback for the Seahawks! OWNED!!!!!!!!! 2 points...






Allen Iverson - Bjones
I love AI, and I miss watching him play. It will be a while before we see a player like him again. He was never known as a shooter, he had a sick handle and got to the foul line. AI had swag, he was good at scoring and really did have a "wow factor" about him. On the other hand, he's kind of a douche. We all know he wasn't too pleased with having to go to practice on a daily basis, but that tirade was just a small indicator of a bigger problem. AI, as a teammate and player was very selfish. I don't mean he didn't pass the ball enough or get his teammates involved, off the court, he has never come off as a humble guy that just wants to help his team win a championship. Ya, you're a great player and you carry your squad, go to practice, get better, build some chemistry. What if he had spent that time developing his three-point shot? Later into his career, AI has completely ruined everything. He will not come off the bench. That's ridiculous. I get that he can still play, he still has the desire, but if you have the chance to contribute to a championship team, why not? Especially late in your career. AI, you're not MVP status anymore. Until you realize this, the only team you'll be awarded to is our All-Douche Bag team. (2-2 on closing paragraphs with zingers).



Latrell Sprewell - Bjones
Though our aforementioned players are annoying (Varejao) or disappointing (Iverson) they really don't compare to Latrell Sprewell's crazy ass. Spree was a talented player, one of my favorites actually, but that did not stop him from being one of the biggest douches in NBA history. Not many people remember that he was a four-time All-Star in Golden State. Probably because of his incident with then head coach PJ Carlesimo. The incident occurred in practice where PJ asked Spree to make crisper passes, he specifically asked that he "put a lil mustard" on them. Well, we all know Spree doesn't like mustard so he told Carlesimo he wasn't trying to hear it. Big PJ came over to see what was up and of course Spree had to choke him and threaten his life. From what I've read and through years of research, this is a simulation of how I think it went down:

PJ: Hey Latrell! You're doin good out there buddy, but let's get a lil more mustard on those passes.
Spree: Man f*ck you...I ain't tryna hear all that.
PJ: It was just a suggestion (as he walks over) is everything cool Spree-Spree?
Spree: Back up or I'm finna choke ya.
PJ: What was that? (Gets choked)
Teammates pull Spree off and he walks to the locker room. As the story goes, Sprewell did threaten PJ's life and also came out of the locker room to mean mug Carlesimo before finally leaving.

So that was just bad judgment right. Naw, Spree tends to threaten people from time to time I guess. As a matter of fact, in 1995 he got in a little scuffle with a teammate. No big, a little competitive fight. Wrong, Spree left the building and came back with a two-by-four AKA large piece of lumber, and threatened to bring a gun to practice. Classic. Well it looked like Spree had moved on, yet even in his later, wiser years he still found a way to be an ignorant douche. In 2004, the T'Wolves offered him a 3 year, $21 million contract. Latrell's response? "I have a family to feed." Wow. I quit. The only "spree" he'll be going on his consecutive years on the All-Douche bag team! (3-3 baby).







Scot Pollard - Lucas
Now, people may question why he is a douche bag. In my personal opinion, he's not THAT bad, but he is one of those players that you look at and wonder how the hell they ended up in the NBA. First off, he wasn't known for All-Star like skills...EVER. Wikipedia says Pollard was known for his defensive play and unique hairstyles. Well, if you're known for the same thing as Dennis Rodman, cool. However, Rodman won 5 rings as a key player. Pollard won a ring sitting on his ass in 2008 with the Celts. Hey, that's just like Scals! But let's face it, Scals is a baller. The number of hairstyles this guy went through is unbelievable. If your hair is getting more attention than your play, you should be considered a douche bag. Not enough for you to be convinced? Well, get this: while he was with the Cavs, Pollard was sitting on the bench (of course) when a camera slid up to him. He then looked down at the camera and, on live TV, said "Hey, kids. Do drugs." WOW. Although he was kidding, in most circumstances, the phrase "Hey, kids. Do drugs," will be generally frowned upon by everyone. Except the kids who were already on drugs. Thanks, Scot Pollard. Oh, by the way, he is an alum of Kamiakin High School, here in the Tri-Cities.



Gilbert Arenas - Lucas
This guy went from "Agent Zero" to "Zero" over the span of a few years. Let's review the slow drop off the face of the Earth by Arenas: In an All-Star season in 2006, he led the Wizards to the playoffs. The next season, Arenas was putting up big numbers and the Wizards looked strong. However he tore his ACL and missed the rest of the season and the playoffs. The next season, he only played in 8 games due to various injuries. Once again, the next season, he did not play much due injuries. Finally, in this past season, he looked like the Agent 0 of old. Great, he's back! However this is where the douchiness kicks in.

-Arenas was found to have been storing firearms in his locker, which violated NBA rules. Not only this, but it violated this city of WA DC's city ordinances.
-Arenas was charged for carrying the pistol without a license to do so, to which he pleaded guilty. All's good now, right? NOPE.
-Arenas was suspended while this investigation was going on. Right before the suspension, after all the gun stuff had been brought to the public, Arenas, in a pregame intro, pretended to shoot his teammates with his fingers. NICE.
Arenas apologized for the stunt and was convicted and sentenced to 2 years probation. What a douche bag.

Q&A

This offseason has changed the landscape of the NBA for sure, leading to some interesting questions and topics. Here are a few that most sportswriters, bloggers and unemployed 40 year olds have brought up.

Q) Which team is the most well rounded in both conferences, overall?

BJONES: Well for me, the Lakers in the West and.....hmmm....I'm going to have to go with Orlando.
For me, LA was a no-brainer. D-Fish may be old and not really effective on any other NBA team, but he can run the triangle offense better than anybody else. Backing him up is Steve Blake, another pure point guard that can shoot it pretty well too. One of the best offseason pickups this year. At the two, we have Kobe Bryant. He's good. Backing him up is kind of interesting. The Lakers can go with speed in Shannon Brown, shooting in Sasha Vujacic or a mix of athleticism and lockdown D, coupled with size in Matt Barnes. Officially, I think they will go with Brown now that Blake can run the point off the bench. At small forward, Ron Artest will be entering his second year as a Laker. Backing him up will be yet another "how the f*ck did that they get that guy?!" player in Barnes. I could sit here and tell you how good Barnes is as a bench player all day, but you should know that already. At power forward Pau Gasol will yet again dominate most players at his position all year. Backing him up is the extremely talented, yet lackadaisical Lamar Odom. At Center, Andrew Bynum, if healthy, could have another solid season for the Lakers. Theo Ratliff was brought in to back up Bynum and is a major upgrade over DJ Mbenga and a former All-Star.

The Thing about the Lakeshow is that they can run so many different rotations and sets. Check it out

PG) Kobe             PG) Blake        PG) Fisher
SG) Barnes           SG) Brown       SG) Artest
SF) Artest             SF)  Bryant       SF) Odom
PF) Odom             PF) Odom        PF) Gasol
C) Gasol                C)  Bynum        C)  Ratliff

Look at that first lineup. Kobe is a 10-Time All-Defensive team candidate, Barnes is regarded as a top 5 perimeter defender and Artest is mostly known for his defense (2004 Defensive POY) outside of his crazy antics. That's a perimeter three that can guard any back court in the league; including Miami.

As for Orlando, they get the nod in the East because, despite the movement towards the East this offseason, most teams are not very deep. The Magic have Jameer Nelson and veteran Jay Williams at the point. Not extremely talented, but two capable point guards. At shooting guard, Vince Carter is somehow still playing, but a more than capable JJ Redick is starting to come along and could be a real asset when Carter goes down. At small forward Mickael Pietrus will add a scoring punch and he will be backed up by shooter Quentin Richardson. Rashard Lewis will still be ineffective and weak at the four, but they could do worse. Ryan Anderson, another shooter, will come off the bench and we learned last year he's actually not too bad. Dwight Howard shoulders the load and leads the Magic as the starting center and backing him up is "The Polish Hammer" Marcin Gortat. I love Gortat off the bench. Teams were jumping at picking up the big man last offseason and Orlando threw a lot of money at him to keep him around. He's a good player and solid backup center.

Overall, the Lakers win. I would actually take the first five off their bench versus some of the weaker squads in the NBA, they're that deep. Orlando is strange. I often am puzzled by the amount of shooting they do instead of feeding Howard. Look at all their shooters! Seriously! Oh well, they are deeper than anybody else. Chicago actually has a weak bench, Boston's bench is second to Orlando in that they are mostly energy players, and Miami's bench is just not that good.

LUCAS: In the West, I gotta agree with JonesNutz on this one: the Lakers are being overshadowed this offseason, but they are the two time defending champs and cannot, will not be ignored. They are stacked, loaded, and LETHAL. They are led by the "Operation Five Rings And Counting" duo of Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher, to start off. Fisher is straight up clutch and Kobe will penetrate any defense. (Maybe a bad word choice). Ron Artest may be f**king crazy, but the dude proved himself to be a huge part of the Lakers title run this past summer. Pau Gasol pretty much doesn't need any hype for how well he'll do once tipoff commences; he's going to destroy. Other key players include Lamar Odom, Andrew "Can He Stay Healthy?" Bynum, Sasha Vujacic, and my personal favorite underrated Laker: Shannon "Holy Shit, How High" Brown.

Now on to the East, where I must admit, the Magic are going to be big, but I'm gonna be unorthodox and go with the Miami Heat. I know, right? Why would I go with the team who has added like 20 players to it's 12 man roster? Besides the obvious signings of a few young guns such as Chris Bosh or that Lebron fella, the Heat are starting to shape up into a very good squad. Leading off, you have the one pick from the '03 draft who has won a ring: D-Wade. It's still his team, so I still see him putting up monster numbers along with some very respectable numbers from the other two big guys. Now no team is complete without the supporting roles. They have added Juwan Howard, resigned Udonis Haslem (another ring), still have Mario Chalmers, and also signed the big Z from wherever in Europe. I honestly don't know exactly how all these guys will mesh, but I recall the Boston Celtics 3 years ago adding many players in one offseason and that team won a championship. I can only assume that the amount of talent will show, as a younger version of the 2008 Celtics. Speaking of that team, the Heat managed to sign a big part of that team as well. Now I'm excited to talk about my boy: Eddie House. Coming off a shaky year, House will be ready to come off the bench to hit as many threes as he can. He is capable of raining threes with the best of them. More valuable, he brings a coach-like attitude to the court. For as long as I've followed him, he's always communicating on and off the court, which in my opinion, makes this signing the SMARTEST move for Miami. Badda Boom.

Q) Can the Heat win 70+ games?

BJONES: Jeff Van Gundy thinks so. I'm a little more skeptical. I think the level of competition within the top half of teams in the NBA is really good. That could stop them from hitting 70. On the other hand I don't see the Heat beating 30+ teams in a row. They will struggle a bit more out West and there's always a chance that a team like Boston, Orlando or Chicago feeds off hometown energy and slips by Miami. Either way, a team with LeBron James (Won 60+ games by himself multiple times), Dwyane Wade (championship and lead a terrible team to the playoffs) and Chris Bosh (lead a bad team to the playoffs) should destroy the East.

LUCAS: I can't see it happening. I can see 60 or so, but I don't see this being the 1996 Chicago Bulls or anything. That team may be the most stacked and balanced team EVER. The Heat will do well in the East, but the East isn't as weak as it was in past years: Orlando, Chicago, Boston will all play pretty well this year. Besides, who cares if they win 70? When the playoffs roll in, you start at 0-0. On paper, regular season doesn't matter. The Heat will make the playoffs, it's up to them how they do once they get there.


Q)Who will win MVP?

BJONES: I like Kevin Durant. If he picks up his rebounding, it's his to lose. Dwight Howard is kind of the dark horse I believe. The points, blocks and rebounds are hard to ignore and if he pushes Orlando to the first or second seed, he will be REALLY hard to ignore. It's hard to judge the Heat players as they will all be sharing the ball so much. LeBron could average a triple-double this year, so we'll see.

LUCAS: I'm glad Jones said Kevin Durant, because I'd REALLY like to see him win (which he will sooner or later) just so I can hear people here in the Sonicless Northwest complain some more. Seriously though, Durant is a monster. Then there's Kobe. Don't make me say why. You literally can not back up saying "Kobe sucks." NO. Shut the hell up and watch TV, you miserable Clippers fans. I'd say Lebron and Wade both have a shot too, but like Brandon said, it's possible that they will share more of the stardom. Not a bad thing, necessarily.


Q) Who can beat the Heat?

Bjones: Well, surprisingly I think there are a a good amount of teams that can beat Miami in a regular season game. The Lakers being one as they still have the size advantage and are very well rounded. Orlando is going to be tough because of Dwight Howard and strong outside shooting. Boston is a savvy veteran squad (more on them later) and Chicago is young and talented. Out West there is so much talent that I can't really write off whoever might be the top eight. In a playoff series it will be different.
For instance, Boston wants to win. They want to beat the Heat and I think that is more true for them than any other team in the East. Players in Boston have said that they are still the Eastern Conference champs and until they are dethroned, they are the team to beat. The Celtics have a win at all costs attitude and I think they could take the Heat to 6, but not beat them, based off these factors: Rajon Rondo would have to be the one to step up and his ability to take a game over is severely hindered by the fact that he doesn't have a jump shot. Paul Pierce can be locked down and will completely dissapear when another star is guarding him. Ray Allen can just be bad at times. Most times actually. So despite their great team attitude, when it comes down to crunch time, Boston doesn't have "it." I don't even want to talk about the impact of Tom Thibodeau leaving.

LUCAS: I say any team that should have a decent season this year can beat the Heat. Like I said, this isn't the most amazing team of all time because we haven't seen them play yet. Lakers, Magic, Celts, Bulls, should all have at least one win over Miami. Hell, I'll say that even the Nets and Knicks will both beat the Heat.

Q) Any trades gonna happen before All-Star break regarding contenders?

BJONES: Well if the Celtics are struggling, I want to say Ray Allen gets traded. Then again I can't see this happening because he just re-signed there and it seems like it could kill team chemistry if one of the big three gets traded. Otherwise, I know and feel something happening, but couldn't tell you. Maybe Melo' or CP3 gets moved.

LUCAS: Aw, Hell...I don't know much about this trading business. I only feel confident in saying: Yeah, there'll be some trades between contenders. Is AI still around? Trade him to whoever. Maybe some one will pick up Sheed or bring Scals back from Europe. You hear me, playoff teams? SCALS. He'll bring that needed championship cockiness to your team and he'll sit on that bench with the heart of an Irish Lion.

Birthday Wishes

As today is my birthday and I am at work, I feel it is necessary to let everybody know what the NBA should gift me. Basically NBA, what have you done for me lately? Now this wish list, while mostly unrealistic, would totally be good for the NBA. There might not be a fan out there that does not want to see most of these changes take place. Here we go:

1) David Stern gotsta' go!: Please, please, please get rid of David Stern. At least make him stand under the rim while Dwight Howard, LeBron James and Robert Swift posterize him for an hour. His smug face and stupid comments always piss me off. Hate that guy....

2) Bring the Sonics back: Seattle deserves to have their team back. If Minnesota can make roster moves that are not in the best interest of basketball, if Cleveland can lose and be pissed off for the next 20 years and if that shit-hole Oklahoma City can have a team: Seattle deserves the Sonics. Keep Durant, keep Presti, keep those nasty uniforms. We'll do an expansion draft with Las Vegas, take Shawn Kemp with our first pick, bring George Karl back, Gary Payton as an assistant and have a reality TV show to determine the GM. Seriously. Do it. This would be great.

3) T-Mac regains his old form: Tracy McGrady has always been my favorite player. He was amazing back with the Magic. You want to talk about superstars, T-Mac was up there with Kobe at one point, pouring in buckets, perennial all-star, leading his bad team to the playoffs. Watch videos of him with the Magic and everything he did was so effortless. His jumper was stupid, silly. He'd simply rise up in your face and drill it (hahahahahahahahahaha). On his drives, he would slowly cut in and finish creatively (hahahahahahaha). He was just a joy to watch and I never understood how he scored so easily, despite not being that fast or strong. Hopefully he gets something back with Detroit. Just one good year....

4) Better NBA replay system: Or maybe I just need TiVo. I watch games with people who will, no matter what the announcers see and say, no matter what the coaches reaction is, no matter if the player admits he messed up, ALWAYS wonder how the ref, "MADE THAT CALL?!?!?!" Seriously, as long as the call was on their squad it's the wrong call. I want a program where I can look at every angle and I want it to show an explanation of why it was a foul. Seriously. Charges and blocks will never be right. Get over it.

5) Kobe's best year ever: Plenty of people hate Kobe Bryant. No big. People hate Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and....hmmmm....who's good in baseball....oh well, no one watches baseball anyways, I'll have to ask Lucas. Either way, if you are a dominant athlete, people are going to say that you "suck" and that you are "gay." Don't know how that last one applies to sports talent, but doesn't seem to stop people. These last few years, Kobe-bean Bryant has been the man. He is a champion, MVP, and has a reputation as one of the most dangerous players ever because of his competitive spirit. I want Kobe to have an amazing year, just out of his mind play. The type of year we will forever remember as "The Kobe Year." I believe he's the only player right now that has the kind of drive to will himself to legendary status. Mostly due to the fact that he is older than guys like LeBron, Wade and Durant, therefore, he is more pressed for time. I just really enjoy the fact that I get to watch so many talented players competing at one time, and I want to see Kobe do something to truly set himself above the pack.

Lists, lists and lists .com!

We all know I love lists and writing about things that aren't entirely relevant to anything, so it should come as no surprise that I am bringing you yet another, POINTLESS LIST. Once again, this one comes from my good friend Lucas Leon who contributed, not only the initial idea, but his own written analysis. Look for more collabos and contributions from this galaxium of sports information (is that a word? I think it should be. Perfect for describing Lucas' knowledge of sports).
So what we have here is a list of "Bad Ass Players." This is not your typical list. Yes, Michael Jordan, Kobe, LeBron, they are bad asses, but we're talking about BAD ASSES. You know what, I'll let the list explain itself. Up first, Lucas:

Manu Ginobili is a badass. Not only does he have a nose that could take Adrian Brody's nose in a fight, he has 3 rings. That is equal to the combined number of rings between Carmelo Anthony, Lebron James, Charles Barkley, and Rick Fox. In addition, he is the only NBA player known to have committed murder on the court. (Gilbert Arenas has probably committed murder off the court) Ginobili swatted a bat out of midair, using complete advantage of his nose to point him in the exact area where the bat was flying. He's from Argentina, which is more famous for soccer. This makes Manu's feat more badass because most Argentinian athletes are penalized for using their hands (BJones note: Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh SNAP!)

Tyronn Lue used to be a badass. Once. Back in 2001, the Lakers and 76ers clashed in the Finals. This little known player that 90% of the earth has forgotten proved himself to be a valuable part of the Lakers NBA title that year. Lue was the one who guarded Allen Iverson, who had not talked about practice at the time. Clearly, something went right for Lue, as the 76ers got their asses kicked. I believe Tyronn Lue was also known for the greatest attempts to make lay-ins, perhaps now only matched by Rajon Rondo. Lue would sometimes put up floaters from the top of the key. I have no real recollection of this at all, so it might be fictional. Why  is Lue's badassery referred to in the past tense? What has he done lately?

Rasheed Wallace is and will always be a badass. Love him or hate him, Rasheed Wallace will never be compared with other hotheads who never accomplished anything. Wallace was a winner everywhere he went, except for the Hawks, with whom he played a single game (a loss to the Nets) in 2004. He proceed to go to the Pistons, meeting up with some talented young-guns. Wallace won a ring that year. Rasheed Wallace is famous for getting a technical foul if he so much as looks at an NBA ref with wide open eyes and a gaping mouth, as the most recent playoffs showed. However, these foul reactions prove to be awesome and the sign of a man who plays the game right: like a badass. From his tick/leech infested beard to the fungus-like bald spot, from his Egyptian tattoos to his gapped teeth: Dirty Sheed deserves a spot on our badass team.

BJones: That is a list of bad ass players right there. Now it's my turn to add to it. 

Stephen Jackson: The man is a bad ass. Not only does he look like a straight thug, he IS a straight thug. He's been around the league, won a ring  and struck fear into the eyes of fans everywhere. Jax just plain does not care. For example, Ron Artest gets a beer thrown on him and runs into the stands. Instead of saying, "Oh shit! I better go get Ron!" Jax said, "Oh shit! I
better go beat some ass!" So they stood there, back to back, beating up obese Pistons fans and completely disregarding the fact that they were just in the middle of a game. No biggie. If that incident wasn't enough, Jackson went to the "skrip club" with a couple teammates later that year and got into a bit of an altercation. OK, this was not an ordinary altercation. He basically got punched in the face

and was also hit by a car, the result? "His injuries were considered minor." Really? He got hit by a car! Not only that, but he got up and fired a few shots at the car with a pistol he just happened to have! This is a professional athlete and he's walking around with a pistol in a strip club! Wow! Crazy ass! In the media though, Jackson is mostly known as a thuggish person, the thing is, around the NBA he is known as a person of high character, a caring, great teammate and an all-around great person. This coming from names like Don Nelson, Rick Carlisle and Tim Duncan. In fact, "the NBA recognized Jackson for his ongoing charitable causes and presented him with the league's Community Assist Award for March 2008. During the month of March alone, he participated in a Silence the Violence rally, teamed up with Grammy Award-winner John Legend to raise funds for the Show Me Campaign, participated in a groundbreaking for a basketball court, and launched his own foundation." Jax may be a bad ass due to the fact that he'll beat you down, but he's actually one of the most well liked players around the league and a humanitarian, that's what truly makes him a bad ass.

Brian Scalabrine. He has the ring, he has the red hair, he's fat, he's pale, he shoots threes. He's a bad ass and he would beat you in a game of one-on-one. Scals is the man. No player has ever fit in better with the entire culture of a team than Scals in Boston. He is the jolly, cheering leprechaun mascot the Celtics have always needed. Not to mention, when he arrived, they won a championship. Unfortunately he might be headed overseas to be a bad ass and I think I speak for both of us when I say, he will be missed as he is probably headed overseas next season.

Well, I think that's quite a five. Let's take a look:

PG: Tyronn Lue
SG: Manu Ginobli
SF: Stephen Jackson
PF: Brian Scalabrine
C: Rasheed Wallace

That's a 30 win squad and a whoooooole mess o' bad ass.